Imposter Syndrome: Mum Edition

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“What do you want?” This is something I’ve found myself uttering to my baby at all times of the day and night. It comes off a bit harsh, so I try again: “I don’t know what you want” or “Mummy doesn’t know what you want”. Because I don’t. I have no confidence and find myself feeding him every 2 hours during the day because I have nothing else in my toolkit. Sometimes I correctly guess that he’s tired. And so to give him the relief of sleep, I need to feed him and rock him to sleep. Oh and he needs to be on me and have his dummy. Often though he’s overtired. Poor little guy. Sometimes it’s fine. I have nowhere to be and nothing I (really) need to do. But now at 12 weeks, the ideas of things I could be doing are piling up in the ‘yeah but you can’t’ pile.

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Why Is Motherhood So Hard?

Nothing in life has prepared me for this.

I’ve gotten this far in life using strategies, problem solving skills and resilience to deal with all sorts of situations.

I usually figure something out through trial and error, or learning by researching beforehand or watching someone else do it first.
At work, I communicate and collaborate with others and apply my knowledge and experience to come up with the best outcome. I use best practice where applicable.

But motherhood, this is different. Continue reading

What Will Be Different With Baby #2

I started Learning To Crawl was because I was trying to figure out becoming a parent for the first time. I learned heaps along the way, but that’s not to say I’ve got this sussed! I’m still learning all about myself, my daughter and my partner. As any parent of young children will tell you, shit changes all the time. You get one thing sorted and the next challenge pops up. With lots of heartwarming stuff in between. In April next year we’ll throw a newborn into the mix. So here’s what I’ll do differently this time…

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My First Year As a Mum – 10 Things I’ve Learned

It’s different to what you imagine

Put most of your preconceived ideas about what parenthood is like aside. Reality will hit like nothing you’ve ever experienced!

OK, not to scare anyone, but holy shit! How do families all over town, the country, the world do this on a day-to-day basis?! I found the first six months particularly challenging. I think there needs to be a huge celebration at that point – because if you can get through that, you can get through anything!! Continue reading

Recovering from a C-section

Slash becoming a mum slash caring for my newborn – I found it all really full-on especially after major surgery!

I told my birth story in What To Expect When You’re Expecting a C-Section and I’ve been actively avoiding writing this next bit. Becoming a mum and getting to know Jessica has been amazing, but I didn’t feel like I got to hit the ground running. Everything except my love for her was running in deficit for the first 6 months or so. Only by then did I start to get the hang of everything and we hit a major sleep regression. Don’t worry, I’ll try not to make this read like a long list of my complaints, but it’s fair to say I’m a bit traumatised – or at least I was for the first wee while. Continue reading